Different Perspectives!

Do you know how you have one opinion of yourself? One way that you think you look? All from your own perspective?

Well! Yeah! I had that too.

I have been given yet another dose of reality...as with my last blog post...except that this one is much more painful to face. uugghh!

What is the reality? you might ask. I JUST SAW A PICTURE OF ME!!! Oh my goodness! Not the picture I have had in my head. I wish I could keep the picture I have had within me, but now I am having to face the reality of my current situation.

Grrrrrr.......

Priorities

I have been given a wake up call lately. I have to re-prioritize things....and I am more than happy to do it. If my actions were a distraction to my family and made them think that I cared more about other people/things than I do about them, then it's time to get rid of them.

I love my family deeply...more than words can express. I have had to apologize for the perception that they came in second, or third, or even fourth!

So...I am on a new course. I want my actions to reflect the way I genuinely feel....and I am growing in the process. Praise God!

Ode To Benji

I am madly in love with my husband!!!!

I have learned of late that he hasn't been sure of my unceasing love and respect for him.

So....I want to make it crystal clear!

I think that Ben hung the moon and stars!

I think that when I look in his eyes, I would follow him anywhere.

I feel most safe when he is near.

I feel completely enveloped when he holds me.

I am a bit lost without him (though he thinks that I feel the opposite), but also know that if something happened to him, he has provided me with such security and love that I could get through it....

I miss him when he is away from me...even for a little bit.

He makes me smile and laugh like no one else ever has.

He has stayed with me when it would be much, much easier to walk out and rid himself of me...and because of that, I will forever stick with him like glue.

Though I have girlfriends, he is my best friend.

He always wants to please me and make me happy....what he doesn't seem to know is that he accomplishes that just by being in my life!

I am devastated to the core when I make him sad or disappointed.

He never makes me sad or disappointed.

I love you, Ben! With all my heart....when I see the moon tonight, I know that you will have somehow, without me knowing it, climbed up and hung it, once again, just for me!

Intervention

I hate the fact that I sin!

I hate, especially, that I tend towards the same sin all the time.

I love the fact that HIS mercies are new every morning.

I love, especially, that people love me enough to confront me and then come alongside me to help!

I am grateful that I get to begin again.

I am grateful, especially, for GRACE from so many!

Whatever It Takes

I attended a conference a couple of weekends ago. It was a leadership conference. I don't like those kinds of things usually. This was no different in many ways....and then again....maybe it was.

I don't sit well...conferences make you sit on chairs that are really comfortable for the first two minutes and then they are horrid!

Lots of information is presented that sounds perfectly logical and rational while the speaker is speaking. (think Algebra when it sounds so easy to work the problem until you get home and you and your book have a date that isn't going so well....)

The info comes at you like water from a fire hose...you catch a few drops and then all you can do it sit there squeezing your proverbial eyes closed because you can't take anymore!

This conference was exactly like that!....except for this conference also had some of my most favorite people in the world there too! I was sitting right by them! We made each other laugh (picture 8 sixth graders not able to stop laughing...probably had to be horrible for the presenter). As we all began talking, I realized that the few drops of info I got, were not the same as the others, so we could share what hit us the most.

But over the last couple of weeks, God has reminded me of things I guess I heard when my eyes were squeezed shut! :)

Here is the nugget I keep remembering: Whatever it takes.

I should do whatever it takes to do whatever it is that God is calling me to. Pretty simple really, but it has been playing around in my mind over and over.

So now I get to add to my other life mantra: Love God, Serve Others....Whatever it Takes! I even like the sound of it all together. It works and I am trusting that God is going to help me do that....whatever it takes!

How Do You Stop A Train Wreck

I happened to stumble upon a facebook post from a daughter of family friends. It was a puzzling, sad post. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I began to really pray for her knowing that God knew what was happening. Then some concerning pics from the same gal. My heart was breaking and I wasn't even sure what was going on. The praying became more intense.

I finally decided that I needed to message her and offer to help and let her know I was praying. Over the last few days, we have had many messages back and forth. She is allowing (even encouraging) her life to fall apart. She thinks it's for the best. She is very young, 20 years old, and I think discovering for the first time that the "faith" that she had was really her parents' faith and not hers. She is not a believer, though I think it's just now dawning on her. She is discovering new "friends", she has left her husband, she is exploring new (to her) ways of thought...Hinduism, feminism, freedom....

I love that she is willing to talk to me. I am not sugar coating my words. I am talking to her honestly and asking the hard questions. I am praying for her constantly. I hope as you read this, that you will pray for her too. She thinks she is happier, but she uses an awful lot of words to try to describe this freedom she has and I think it's all a mask. I don't think she is lying, I think she really believes what she is saying. But I see a train wreck about to happen.

I have known her since she was about 9 years old. She and Bailey are the same age. I am beginning to really love her and so desperately want to help her. I pray the talking continues. I pray the Holy Spirit talks to her and that she hears HIM because Satan is really whispering in her ear. She wants happiness, HE wants holiness, I want contentedness for her.

She could be Bailey....I would so want someone to speak into her life.

Growth?!

Lately, there have been a couple of things that have happened that have been a bit disappointing. Not life or death things, but things that I started to get excited about and then it was decided that they couldn't happen.

Not too long ago, when something like that would happen, I would really get mad! I would fume inside (and out as well)....I would smolder and continue to think about it. I was sure that there was a conspiracy to sabotage the things that I was hoping for.

But lately, I have noticed that, though for a second I begin to feel that same ol' feeling, almost immediately, I am ok with the whole thing. I try to think of a plan B (or C or D) to try to work it all out.

Surprisingly, I feel much better! I let things go more. Though I don't understand the reasonings usually any better than before, I figure that there was probably thought behind it and good reasons.

I would say that's growth and I am so grateful for it!!!

In A Blink Of An Eye

This morning I got up early (5:30) to get some things done before the day really began. It was great...I got a lot accomplished. I was going along perfectly wonderfully and then in a blink of an eye, my attitude changed. I remembered a task that I needed to do for my husband. Don't get me wrong...I love to do things for him, but this one bothered me.

I had to leave the house to do the errand for him. I get in the car. I drive to do the errand, all the while pouting. Why couldn't he get up and do this? Why is he still at home and I am the one out here? on and on...you get the idea....

On the way home from the errand, in a blink of an eye again, God began to show me all the great things that Ben does for me....for our family. How he is sacrificing to go to seminary. How he works hard to provided for us. How he lets me do just about anything and encourages me to have evenings out with friends. How generous he is all year, but nothing compared to what he does around Christmas time! How he indulges my desire for traditions for our kids to have. How he gives in to my thoughts on creating memories for our family.

In a blink of an eye, I praised God for giving me this opportunity to serve Ben...to take something off of his already loaded down plate...to visibly serve as his helpmate. This small task is what he needed for me to help him with. Why was I complaining (if not visibly, then in my heart)?

HE changed my perspective in the blink of an eye and I am forever grateful!

Public Notice

I know that I have chosen to have 5 kids. I know that they are not perfect. I know that my last child is a bit different and more difficult in some areas than my others. I also know that he is funnier than my others. He makes all of us want to pull our hair out one second and then he turns around and makes us laugh.

I KNOW all of this.

Why are there two people who insist on commenting on my last child just about every time I see them? Why do they feel the need to teach me things about him and how I should be doing things differently? Why do they "tsk, tsk" me as though it is inevitable that he is headed for prison?

To you two: I really do like both of you. I really love my last child desperately. I love him and want more for him than the two of you could ever desire for him (especially since you aren't even extended family of any kind). I am doing my best and yes, there are times I need help with him. When I need it from you, I will ask for it. Until then, could we just have pleasant conversations about just about anything other than my son? Because I really do like both of you!

Challenge to my Thinking

Our new pastor is challenging my thinking as of late. He keeps making comments like, "When the Spirit moves, and we move out of these walls, you WILL be uncomfortable with who you end up being with within the walls."

Sounds innocent and good enough, but here is my dilemma....

Is church (the physical structure) the place for all the unbelievers was can muster up from surrounding neighborhoods?

Is church a place for folks whom the Spirit has begun to move and they are honestly seeking the answers to what God has placed inside of them?

Is church for the edification of the Saints? A place for recharging and gathering together so that we are stronger to go back out into the world and evangelize?

Is the corporate church charged with evangelism or are individuals charged with evangelism with the church teaching/encouraging the individuals to go out?

I have my own personal thoughts on these things and, at the moment, they are not lining up with the things our pastor are saying. I could be the wrong one. I could be the one that is not thinking clearly. I could be the one that the Lord is speaking to in the challenge to my thinking.

Mad Smile

Apparently, I have a seemingly invisible sign on my head that reads, "Complain to Me" on it. I get folks coming to me with the strangest complaints and problems.

I also, apparently, smile while I am listening to these complaints. Various members of my family and some friends have noticed that while I am standing with a complainer, I am looking at them with a smile on my face. My family now refers to this as my "mad smile". I think that the complainer doesn't know this and they just think that I am nice and listening.

Who knew? I learn new things about myself everyday!