It really has been a LONG time since my last post!  Things are really kicking in gear for Italy and I wanted to make sure that I posted the blessings that are happening so that later I can come back and be reminded of them in case things get a bit harder and I forget.  God has been so amazing!!!  It seems strange to think that I might forget the last week and all of HIS goodness, but how am I any different than the Israelites?  They saw miracles and still would fall away and begin complaining and grumbling again soon after.  So...knowing I am the same, I will try to chronicle what has happened.

1.  Knowing that we need more support to be able to live in Italy (it's a bunch more expensive over there), God keeps providing us with others who want to join with us.  :)

2.  There is a missionary family in Genoa that is moving back to the States permanently and we have been in talks with them about buying their household goods.  I received an email from them the other day and they felt like God was telling them to GIVE us their stuff!  Can you imagine?  I am talking a house full of stuff:  pots/pans, towels, sheets, hair dryers, toaster, dining tables, chairs, etc.  Woke up with other morning to that info and knew once again that God is wanting us in Italy!!!

3.  Our friends in Italy had originally thought they were coming back to the States in the summer.  Because of that, we would not be able to get there until later in the summer.  (they really wanted to be there when we arrived!)  Well....the day after we got the email about #2 above, I received work from our friends that they aren't coming back this summer!  That really opened up the possibilities for us.

4.  The day after #3 above, God provided the way for us to take a Disney cruise over to Italy!!!!!  We are so privileged and blessed to be able to take a 14 day cruise leaving out of Galveston and ending in Barcelona.  We are then going to either take the ferry or the overnight train to Chiavari.  Bonus:  the cruise is cheaper in the long run than plane tickets and the food, etc that we would need for 14 days!  How cool is that?!


How do I explain the grace of God in our lives?  How do I wrap my head around the blessings HE has poured out upon us?  How do I stay composed in the midst of it all?  The answer:  I don't!  

I don't know why God chooses to bless us in such a wonderful way.  I don't know why God's grace is in abundance.  And I don't know how to stay composed in the midst of it all.  I find myself crying quite often!  It is overwhelming.

I will keep posting during this process.  Though you might not be interested in the least, it helps me to recount it all.  :)

It's been a long time since my last post and I can hardly wait to tell of all the changes in our life!  As you know, God has us headed to Italy next summer to work as church planters.  That one, seemingly insignificant sentence....of 13 little words....words so easy a first grader could read them...well...that sentence is making big changes in our lives!  Huge changes!  Changes of phenomenal proportions!

Change #1:
We are selling all of our crap  stuff  blessings.  Over the 25 years that Ben and I have been married, we have accumulated a lot of "blessings".  The things really have been blessings, but some of those turn into just "stuff" at some point.  Don't you find that at your place as well?  Well, when you have 25 years of married life of things, and then 5 children worth of things...that's a lot of things. 

I am feeling lighter as each item moves along out of my home.  It is freeing to share our items with others.  I am loving the empty spaces I have as I walk back into my home after sending another lovely off with someone else to love.  Space is nice.

I feel tremendously blessed to have so many items.  They all represent a moment in time.  A holiday, a special trip, a surprise, a just because, a need.  I can remember just about all of it as I look at the things.  But the lovely thing is that I still remember it even after that thing is gone! 

Change #2:
We have enrolled our children in public school.  I'm not sure that most can understand how big of a transition this is for us.  We have homeschooled for 17 years!  Our four youngest have not even been in a school (maybe to pick up a cousin now that I think about it...but that would be the extent of it), let alone enrolled for the whole day. 

When we move to Italy, we are enrolling them in public school there.  I  mean Italian, only speak Italian, all books are in Italian, will have to actually look the the pics on the bathroom doors to see which looks more like you...Italian!  No Italian as a second language/dual language classes.  Just plain Italian all day.  We thought (I'm quite sure God put this thought in my head.  Not clever enough to think it on my own) that school here would at least be a baby step to help with the transition next school year in the ALL ITALIAN school.

So far things are going pretty well.  Positives and negatives...but we had those in our homeschool as well.  God has shown us in small ways that He is there with us, with our kids.  I have had a couple rough days, but I can't explain adequately enough how present God has been and the peace the only He could wash over me. 

Change #3:
How we spend our money....especially as Christmas approaches.  Our family goes over the top, to say the least, at Christmas.  No apologies from us about that, either!  :)  We love it!  But this year, anything we buy either has to be able to be taken over (which is extremely limited), totally consumed, or has lived out its life span by July (played with as much as it can and able to be thrown away or broken, etc).  This really changes our thoughts on what to get.  The three older girls can understand the changes and can have a bit more of a delayed gratification idea (saving things now to get some new things in Italy)....but the boys have a bit of a harder time getting that.

Not impossible.  And Christmas will come and go and be amazing in the DeBusk home as usual...but changes nonetheless.

We are excited for the changes....we are nervous for the changes...we welcome the changes....and we curse the changes.  Just a few of the emotions that flit around any minute of the day around here.

It's the ONE that's driving me crazy!

It shouldn't be this way, but it is.  Trust me, I am working on it.  I am begging God to help me with this. 

Do you remember the story of the Garden of Eden?  Remember how Adam and Eve could have, touch, eat, enjoy from ANY of the Garden?  ANY....except that one in the middle.  Just one that was not allowed, but every other one was fair game!

Which one did they focus on?  Which one was dwelt upon?  The hundreds or thousands that were ok?  The many that were "on limits"?  The plethera that were excellent to have?  NO!  Those two turned their minds to the only one that was not ok.  The solitary one that was "off limits".  The measly lone tree that was dangerous and not allowed.

I have always thought they were crazy.  I have always considered them weak.  I have always deemed them ridiculous.

Well....I find myself in that exact situation....and if I am honest, I have been here before many times.  It is just recently that I have identified with those first two people.  It pains me to do so, but truth is truth.

I find that I have many things about me, provided for me, and surrounding me that are good, ok, excellent, on-limits.  They are fabulous and provided by God for my enjoyment.  But what I am finding is that I am focusing on the one thing that is none of those things.  Actually, so you don't get the wrong idea...it is good, ok, excellent....it's just off-limits from me.  So why don't I concentrate upon the millions of things that are worthy?

I dare say that most of us do the same thing.  Have you ever been part of setting something up, organizing an event, part of leading a group?  I bet, like me, that when you have done so, you have received 100's of compliments!  So many people willing to come up to you and pat you on the back for your efforts.  Lives changed as a result of what you have helped with.  But, I also bet, like me, that you have had one person say something negative.  Something you could have done better.  If only you had.....

Do you, like me, find yourself concentrating upon the ONE negative and push the 100's of positive comments?  Why do we do that?  I think it's the same Adam and Eve syndrome.  So many other, positive, great things to concentrate on....and we pick the one that we can't really change, isn't helpful, is actually dangerous to us.

But we dwell there nonetheless.  I am praying for a changed heart.  A changed thought process.  I don't want to live among the negative.  I don't want to abide with the unhealthy and the off-limits.  I want to stay with the excellent, the praise worthy, the true, the right, the noble.....the on-limits.....being exceedingly grateful for them being part of my life!

It was the best of times.  It was the worst of times. .... The beginning to a great book, but also, it seems, like the story of my mind right now.  I feel divided.  I feel split in two. 

With our move next summer to Italy, we are beginning to fill out paperwork, pay for passports, look at housing online, sell our stuff, etc. We are in the best of times....the time of anticipation.  The time of expectation.  The time when anything can still happen.  The time we see God working so clearly to guide our steps in this way.  We are in the worst of times....the time of mess.  The time of busy-ness beyond our normal.  The time of anxiety and fear of the unknown.

But, while we are preparing for our move, we are still actually living here.  We are involved in life, activities, organizations.  We are servers, leaders, and participaters.  We are in the best of times...the time of support.  The time of encouragers.  The time of being involved in what God has led us to.  We are in the worst of times....the time of being too busy with the future to adequately give resources to the now.  The time of impending good-byes.  The time of not being either here or there.

We are split minded, which is how it always is before a move.  It's a great place to be.  It's a difficult place to be.  But it's where God has us right now and that is an amazing place!

Once again, I cried.

16 years ago, Ben and I began raising support to become missionaries with Cru.  It was a humbling and miraculous experience.  Humbling to ask.  Miraculous to see God work so clearly.  I cried a lot back then as God would show us definitively that He was the one who was making it all happen.

God has been exceedingly gracious to us over the years as we have continued to live on support for all these years.  The crying has happened periodically.

Three years ago, we again, had to raise some more support.  Once again, God showed up and showed us His great and mighty power in our lives.  He made it abundantly clear that the road we were on, was right where we were to be.  The crying occurred a lot then.

God has shown us that next year, we are to move to Italy and work as church planters.  We are to work alongside our old friends from way back in the day with Cru.  (cool how God was preparing for this moment even back then)  So, we are once again working on raising a bit more support to be able to live and function in Europe.  Once again, I am crying as He demonstrates His love toward us.

It is still humbling and miraculous to be in the middle of God's plan.  I am so very grateful that God loves me enough to work in my life.  To show his ways to me.  To bend me to His will and then to provide for that very thing.

Once again, I cried.

"Calgon, take me away!".....Have you ever felt that way?  I have!  And today was one of those days....just for a few minutes.

I have been in the position a few times in my life where I am the one to have to say the hard thing.  When a childhood friend of mine called to gain my support for her divorce, I had to tell her the truth that I couldn't support her decision.  I had to remind her that she had three children.  I had to tell her what God says on divorce.  She got a divorce anyway, for which I was deeply sad, but I  knew  that I had spoken truth to her.

Then there was the time that a friend of one of my children confided in that child that he was considering suicide.  My child came to me to ask for help and I had to make the call to the other one's parent.  Talk about a difficult conversation to have!  The child did not commit suicide for which I am forever deeply happy.

Then there was this morning.  I had to call a friend and say something.  I didn't want to say it.  I didn't want to pick up the phone.  I wanted to run!  I wanted to avoid the whole thing.  But alas, I could not.  I felt God speaking to me to make the call.  I could only do one thing.  I could only pray, and then pick up the phone, and talk to my friend.  Yes, it was difficult.  Yes, it was awkward.  But I am deeply grateful to have one more time that I have obeyed.  I have one more bond with my friend as our friendship will be stronger now.  I have one more time of knowing that when doing the hard things, I have seen Jesus come through in His faithfulness and lift me.

So, in the end Calgon did not take me away.  I was left to do the hard thing.  And I am deeply in love with my Savior for teaching me another lesson.

Life is phenomenal!....I do want to clarify that.  I was told today that my posts have been angst-filled of late, and though I don't completely agree, I can see where that might be perceived.

My posts have been real.  What I have been thinking about lately.  Questions I have had.  Little things I am going through or feeling.  But I must highlight the word "little".  The things that cross my mind are not issues.  They are not crucial.  They are just things. 

Some are nusances.  Some are gnats buzzing around my ears.  Some are bigger.  But my God is bigger still.  My blessings overflow.  My life is amazingly wonderful.

My brain is empty...zilch...zero...nothing.  Many days I am actually able to say that.  There are moments that it dawns on me that I am not thinking anything.

Today is not that day and this moment is not that moment!  Many thoughts are swimming around in my head.  Swirling as though pieces of dust seen in a ray of light.  Forever coming and going and never settling in one spot.

Marriage, the ability to be "real" with someone, devotion to the wrong things, ability (or inability) to do what God has called me to do, exhaustion, menopause, flab, homeschooling, fear of disappointing people, thinking I had worked so hard to change only to discover that it my change isn't showing to others.......

These are just a few of the pieces of dust floating and swirling around within me lately.  There are so many others!

I think I prefer to have more empty days.  :)

So many things happening here lately!  We are not ones to let too much grass grow under our feet...ok...the actual yard doesn't count!  We have a hard time getting that grass mowed.  :)  But in general, we stay busy, moving from one activity to another with the speed I don't think even a hummingbird could compete. 

For Italy:  we have had to order all of our certificates (birth and marriage) in their long forms.  We have gotten those back from the four states that we need to deal with, only to send them right back out to each Secretary of State office for the four states to get apostilled.  The apostille is a government piece of paper saying that the certificate is official.  Seems a bit like overkill, but it is required so there you are.

We just received our first apostilled document back in the mail yesterday!  It was pretty exciting for me to see that come in.  Because of Ben's seminary work, I have been tasked to take care of all paperwork relating to our move and relocation.  I am learning a ton in the process.  Mostly, I am learning about God's grace for me.  Now for 7 more documents and that part will be over.

After they all come back, I will send them to  gal in town who is on the consulate list of approved translators.  All of our documents need to be translated into Italian. 

For Family:  Kally just celebrated her 11th birthday!  It seems like just yesterday she was born and added to our family making us a family of 5 instead of 4.  She is a joy...never tiring of trying to get things right.  She is always trying to make people happy with her gifts, talents, and abilities. 

Also...the day after Kally's birthday, Ben and I celebrated our 25th anniversary.  The day we married, I don't know that I could have imagined how quickly this day would get here.  I think I would have expected more fanfare, trumpets blowing, parades, balloons, etc...But in reality, the day was just as we live...steady, calm, quiet, and peaceful.  After several years of watching and hearing about so many friends giving up on their marriages, a peaceful day was a blessing, knowing that we haven't and won't give up.  We want to finish well.

And so, life goes on.  There is a saying in Italy, "the sweetness of doing nothing"....I am anxious to try that out.  :)

I am awkward...just getting it out there (as one of my sweet daughters says). 

When I look back on my life and then see where I am now, the awkward level hasn't changed.  Still up there, pretty close to the top!

Most days that's ok with me.  I drift through life blissfully unaware of my state of awkwardness; and sometimes can even fool myself into thinking that I am much lower on the awkward totem pole.  But when I get those rose-colored glasses off, I see clearly where and what I am. 

I rarely feel awkward at home, with my own immediate family.  But when I walk through my front doors heading into the world, it falls upon me like a fine layer of  mist.  Covers me all over from head to toe...front to back...sideways and longways.

I have had 5 periods of time when I didn't feel awkward.  They all revolve around when God has provided a best friend for me.  I can picture each of those 5 as clearly as though they were sitting right in front of me.  They are 5 beautiful pictures of grace, loving kindness, and mercy.

Currently, God has not provided a best friend for me.  Oh, don't get me wrong, HE has provided great people who smile when they see me, who embrace me with love, and who care about me.  But a best friend....who, in their presence, I don't feel awkward...no.  This was, once again, proven to me last night at a get together with women I love and enjoy dearly, but the awkward mist was swirling around at maximum speed.  Of course, it didn't help that I let my mouth run away a bit and when I finished, there were six eyes staring at me, and three mouths gaping just a bit.  Two seconds later, the mist left it's swirling and once again, just settled back on me.

And that's ok!  As I have gotten older, I have been shown that most of the things I have felt are exactly the same things that other women feel.  They just seem to be much better at handling it.  :)  I will continue to walk through life in a blissful state of not-acknowledging-my-awkwardness and, for the most part, be perfectly fine with that.

Grace....it's what's for your life!

I not only love the idea of grace, I love the reality of it.  I love being a recipient of grace.  God has given me so much...lavished it upon me.   I don't even come close to deserving what God has given to me. 

I try to live worthy of what I have been blessed with, but I fail miserably.  I am ugly, mean, judgmental, opinionated, rude....well, the list could go on probably forever.  I WANT to be a mirror image of Christ.  I WANT to be an ambassador for the kingdom of  God.  I WANT to be a person of grace.

So...I will continue in my endeavor to be the bearer of grace. 

Yoda would say, "Chicken, you are!"

I have realized that that statement is very true!  I am not brave or courageous.  Instead, I am a great avoider and a giant chicken.

I hate going to see my Daddy where he now lives.  Almost exactly a year ago, Daddy was placed in an assisted living facility because of his progressing Alzheimer's.  He is gentle and kind and very easy to be with.  But I find that as I leave his new home, I am extremely sad and can't seem to stop myself from crying...every time...even a year later.

It's not really about me.  I know this.  It is about all the things Daddy has done over the years to be the best dad ever.  He sacrificed.  He got out of himself to do the best things for our family.  He doted on me and pretty much gave me everything I have ever wanted.  He loved me dearly and I have never questioned that.  When all other things in my life have been in upheaval, the fact that Daddy loved me never was.  He was true blue.  Steady Eddy.  Gentle giant of a man.

I have much maturing to do in this area; to live my life as he has...sacrificially, outside of myself for the betterment of my family, wholly devoted to others. 

I haven't been accused of encouraging licentious behavior....and that bothers me! 

What?, you are asking.  Ben read the book Grace Awakening by Chuck Swindoll for one of his seminary classes.  He was so effected by that book, that he suggested that I read it.  Well, I did.  And it has had a profound effect on me.  So much so, that the day after I finished reading it for the first time, I started reading it again.

Part of what the author states is that if you, or your church, have not been accused of encouraging licentious behavior, then you are not preaching grace.  I love the idea that I have been given so very much grace that I should be doing all I can to spread that grace to others! 

I want to be that kind of person!  I want to share the grace I have been given.  I want to ooze out grace in every word I say, in every action I take, in every thought I think.

I was scouring the hoard of kids running towards us, looking for the three sweet faces that belonged to me.  I found one....then another one...where was the third one?  There she was!  I finally found her.  My eyes watered.  My heart beat fast.  My smile was from ear to ear.

Last week our three little ones had the opportunity to attend T Bar M day camp.  It was amazing!  They heard the word of God, made new friends, played all day, and were generally worn out at the end of every day.

On Friday, instead of the normal pick up routine, there was an end-of-week ceremony.  Ben and I were sitting in the audience waiting with all the other parents for the kids to come in and do their thing.  For just a moment, I watched the parents and saw the same thing on their faces that I was sure was on mine!  Where is MY child?!  With just looking at the parents' faces, I could instantly tell when they saw their child.  Smiles, shoulders relaxed, cameras brought up to their eye...all the tell tale signs of pride, love, belonging, safety....ownership (if you will allow the term).

It hit me that this is what God must do constantly all day long.  He sees me, searching the faces for mine (or any who belong to Him).  He spots me.  A smile breaks out on His face knowing the amount that He loves me.  How much He is proud of me.  How I belong to Him. 

What a great feeling knowing that I belong.  I am safe.  I am loved.  I have made my Daddy proud....just by being me.  Nothing special that I have done.  No special way I look.  No special words that I say.  He is the Great I Am....and I am His great love!

I was able to watch the ceremony being wholly content.  The love and grace I have been shown by God is just what I am attempting to show to my kids.  I love that!

Ben turned 50 on Saturday and we threw a bash I hope was worthy of achieving such an accomplishment!  Every table was decorated with his Van's shoes and, as you can see above, the cake we had made was Van's themed as well.

I am so very proud of my husband.  He is the most amazing person I have ever known.  I love him with all my heart.  Happy birthday, my sweet!

We take service seriously in our family.  I love that we do!  I try to find ways for my children to serve and Ben and I do our best to serve wherever and whenever we can.  In fact our family motto is:  Love God, Serve Others.

Service has been a theme lately around here.  A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and she said she was challenged recently by someone asking her, "Are you raising your children to serve or to be served?"  Interesting question, isn't it?''

Well...I am always grateful for the opportunities that God provides for me to serve others.  Yesterday was that day!  I was able to go to a sweet friend's house and help with her 4 little ones (ages 6 and under).  What a fun time.  I was able to run to the store for her and get a couple of things; and then helped as the kids made cutout cookies. 

While at her house, I received a text saying that another friend was sick and asked if her kids could spend the night.  Her husband was on a mission trip and she was single-parenting it for a couple more days.  She had a bad stomach bug and would have had a hard time being a mama to her three kids (8 and under).  We had a great time with them at out home last night.  They were terrific!

I am sure that those women felt like someone was there for them and appreciated the help, but the biggest blessing was for me.  To be able to serve, help others in need, and lift a small burden from them....well....all I can say is thank you God for that opportunity.  I love when I say YES to God!

This is how it's supposed to be!

I was in my mom's house the other day and I happened to look at a shelf that she has over her dining table.  It was different than I had seen before.  There used to be knick-knacks on it.  Oh, sure!  They were cute things, but what was there now struck me as very powerful.

Two pictures.  Top shelf:  Jesus.  Bottom shelf:  my daddy.

I thought, this is how it's supposed to be!  Jesus first, then your husband......then, and only then, your children.

Ben and I go on a lunch date every week.  EVERY week.  Most of my children understand this well and like it....or at least don't complain any more.  One of my children hates this fact.  I don't think that it's really hatred as much as jealousy.  This child wants me to have more of my time.  Sharing is not a positive word in this child's world.  Ben and I have kept our dates.  We prioritize our marriage.  We know that someday our children will be gone and we still need to enjoy each other, love each other, and even more importantly, LIKE each other.

So, I will remember the lesson my mom has taught me, and do my best to pass it along to any who will listen. 

Jesus, husband, children, all others.  Period.

Suddenly two hours had passed! 

My neighbor from next door came over yesterday to see if her daughter was in our home.  She was.  I invited my neighbor in and all of a sudden, she started talking....and talking!  Two hours later, she walked out the door.

Now my family has lived in this house for 4 years.  I know my neighbor's name, her daugher's name, that they have 3 huge dogs, her mom lives with her, her dad recently passed away....things like that.  We haven't really connected or talked below surface level.

Some of that changed yesterday.  She began to tell me of things that have recently happened with her ex-husband, his girlfriend, their daughter, her mother's recent diagnosis, financial issues, etc... She needed a listening ear.  She needed to be able to just talk.  She needed me to do a little commiserating with her.  I needed to remain mostly quiet.  I needed to really hear her.  I needed to sprinkle a bit of truth in my limited comments.

God was good!  He kept my mouth mostly closed.  He allowed me to speak a bit of truth without being judgemental.  He opened her eyes to the blessing of my marriage...it's longevity.  What a blessing for me to hear that she has really "seen" our marriage.  She has been witness to our family and it's greatness!  I don't know that she realizes yet that she has really seen God's work...but I think that God will continue to give me opportunities to share that with her. 

"The student has surpassed the teacher."....I remember that statement from my youth.  Many episodes of Kung Fu fill my head as I think about that sentence. 

I am  proud and humbled to say that I can say that many times over about my children.  I work to teach them a certain task, or character trait, or skill, and then the reality is that my children end up being much better at it than I.  It is a proud, proud day as goose on Charlotte's Web would say. 

But I am even more humbled when one of my children is given an amazing trait....one that I don't have! This one is a doozie!

Kally, our third child, is the most tenacious person I have ever known!  I don't think a pit bull could continue for as long as she does.  :)  When she decides that there is something she wants, she puts her nose to the grindstone and keeps on until she gets it just right.  We noticed it about four years ago when Kally decided that she wanted to learn how to ride a bike.  (there are many reasons why this skill hadn't been learned before that)  We bought a bike for her and in about two days, she was a pro!  Not long after that, Kally bought a pair of roller blades at a yard sale (with her own money) and again, in about two days she was perfect.  Then she found a pogo stick at a garage sale, and once again with her own money, she bought it and within no time she was pogo-ing up and down the street jumping off of curbs.

I have admired this about her.  I am not like this at all!  I am lazy to the core and if something doesn't work right on the first try to two, I am on to something else.  So when I saw her put on the headphones for Rosetta Stone and began trying it today for the first time, I shouldn't have been surprised to see what happened.  She did the first couple of lessons and the results weren't exactly what she was hoping for.  She got up from the table and did something else.  Well...to my surprise, she came back in about 30 minutes and asked if she could work on it again.  She did better this time, but still not quite what she was wanting.  So in a bit, she came back again and worked on the same lessons all over again.  This time...success!

This is not a skill that anyone can really teach you.  You either have this willingness/desire or you don't.  I don't and I am the worse for it.  Kally, on the other hand, does have it, and it will serve her well for the rest of her life.  I am so very proud of that girl!

Five days ago, I said good-bye to this sweet face as she went to kids' camp.  This is the camp that our church puts on each summer for elementary age children.  This is a week that Kally looks forward to each year and this year was no different!  She was excited to go, and I think not as excited to come back home.  :)  She loves all things camp related....the skits, the cabins, the zipline, the rock wall, all of it. 

But as much as she loves it, and I knew she had a great time...I MISSED HER!!  I am so glad she is back home.  Thanks to the folks at our church who work hard to put on kids' camp.  It means so much to this sweet girl.  She has memories that will last a lifetime.