Friends

I feel like the apostle Paul when he kept wanting to go to Spain to visit believers there and the Holy Spirit kept him from making that trip. Paul didn't understand it, but he lived with it...and probably rested in the fact that God had a reason for it.

I have a dear friend from years and years ago with whom I am visiting right now. We lived together, obviously, when we first met, but haven't lived near each other since then. She and her family almost were able to move near recently, but the Lord had other plans. How I would love to be near her, learn from her, grow with her...laugh, cry, encourage, and be encouraged. But the Holy Spirit keeps it from happening. The Lord has other ideas.

So, like Paul, I don't understand it. Like Paul, I will live with it and have for years. But unlike Paul, I don't always rest in the fact that God has a reason for it.

I DO, though, appreciate very much the extremely short times we do get to spend together. Though they are few and far between, the Lord allows them to quench my thirst...to settle my soul...to encourage me once again.

Conflicted

I seem to be conflicted about a lot of things lately. I don't particularly like that feeling, but I guess no one does, really. There is much more comfort when you are completely confident in your decisions, opinions, and thoughts. But confidence and being sure is not where I am at these days.

Do I keep homeschooling?
Do I get rid of certain things in my home?
Do I get involved in that activity?
Do I stop being involved in that activity?
Should the kids be doing some other outside thing?
Why are my friends going through difficult times?
How do I calmly and patiently accept things that happen?
Do I really believe in mission over method?
Why do men want to be married?
Why did that guy say that thing to his wife?
Who are my real friends?
Why are we having to change our "normal" with Daddy?
What is God calling us to after seminary?

Those are just part of the things that cross my mind on a daily basis. Always something. This doesn't seem to be the season of answers, but of questions. So...I wrestle with them and will continue to until God brings answers or brings me into a different season.

Contented

We went to see a newborn baby the other day. He is a beauty! Quite a keeper. His family is so excited that he is here finally. He has a big brother who is very curious about this new little guy coming into his family.

He is a true gift from God.

The interesting thing to me was my feeling as I watched him. I found myself perfectly content with the family God has given me. No deep-down ache to have another little one....no sadness that he wasn't mine. Just pure thrill for his family!

So....since that feeling has never happened before, I am assuming that God is clearly telling me that my quiver is full. I am grateful for the sweet lives HE has given me. I am grateful for this content feeling. I am grateful that we are moving into new phase in our lives.

What a joy to look upon others' happiness and just be able to enjoy their happiness with them. That is what God wants from me in the rest of my life too! Oh! How hard that can be. But I have tasted the peace that comes with contentedness for just a moment, and love it.

Acquitted...Sadly

So....here is the question that I am currently pondering...for those of you who love to know just what I am thinking....

If I were accused in court of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict me?

Sadly, as I am being reminded daily...there would NOT be enough evidence to convict me. God is showing me so many areas in which I need to be bolder, speak up, share, do, be, etc...

How about you?