In The Darkness For A Bit

Ever feel like the biggest failure? I have and I do!!..... Oh, I am sure this is a momentary, passing thing, but it's a place I don't enjoy being.

Actually, something was said to me a couple of years ago, and I am having a hard time letting it go. I might be having a hard time because it was said by someone I love very much.....the comment was probably the deepest truth from the person, so hard for this person to just say, "oops, I didn't really mean that, I was just mad."....the comment hit me at the deepest level any comment could hit me.

This comment has actually made me rethink many things. It's made me harder.....I am a very emotional person, and I feel lately as though I am done...Done with emotions. Done with crying. Done with extreme ends of the emotional spectrum. A little sad, I think, but then again, maybe this is how the rest of the world normally is.

I have rethought my relationship with my children. My husband. My thoughts on other people. I have realized that I am not super excited for anyone to get married. I am really not thrilled anymore when others have babies.

I don't like seeing anything romantic on tv shows or movies. It just doesn't seem interesting anymore to see if the girl gets the guy.

I am having a hard time with understanding all of this. But I DO know that God is still there, still loving me, still caring about me. HE will do something in me through all of this; and I desperately want HIM to do something through me to help others in all of this.

New Adventure

Ben is getting closer and closer to finishing seminary. We are all awaiting that day! He has done marvelously...straight A's so far. We are all proud of him.

What being close to being finished means that we now begin the process of really seeking God's will on our next step. There are several things that are open to us and God could reveal more open doors to us as time goes on.

We are excited at the possibilities and a bit nervous at the same time. So we continue to pray. We want to be wherever God wants us to be and we want to do what God wants us to do. We can't wait to hear from God on this!