Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Deja Vu?

I have been thinking about high school recently. I hated high school! I have never attended a reunion. I only keep in (light) touch with one high school friend. I have many not good memories of those days. Awkward would be the word to describe the whole endeavor from sophomore year on. (LOVED freshman year!....different school)

So...why are these memories and feelings coming back up again? I have been reminded of my social status (or lack thereof) recently with women around me. Though the memories of those old days are painful, I can actually laugh, most of the time, at what is happening now. OK...laugh might be too strong, but I can smile through it most of the time.

I was always friendly with the "popular" group and when the event was large enough or they wanted more people, I would be invited (think b-list...or maybe c-list). When it was just "the group" that was desired, I was not part of that. I understood this mentality clearly. I was probably like that with my own circle of friends, too. But there was this way that they had of making you KNOW that that was where you stood and that they held your social status in their hands.

I am finding that the same thing is still happening as a grown up. I am on the periphery of the "A" list (I am still probably mostly c-list, myself), and am invited to things when the event calls for more people. The interesting thing these days, is that, though it can still be strangely painful, I like who I am and I like what God is doing in me. So when this group tries to make me feel as though they hold my social status in their hands, I can boldly say, "No you don't!"

I can look at things differently these days, but odd how I can still revert to those old feelings.