Tuesday, February 28, 2012

In The Darkness For A Bit

Ever feel like the biggest failure? I have and I do!!..... Oh, I am sure this is a momentary, passing thing, but it's a place I don't enjoy being.

Actually, something was said to me a couple of years ago, and I am having a hard time letting it go. I might be having a hard time because it was said by someone I love very much.....the comment was probably the deepest truth from the person, so hard for this person to just say, "oops, I didn't really mean that, I was just mad."....the comment hit me at the deepest level any comment could hit me.

This comment has actually made me rethink many things. It's made me harder.....I am a very emotional person, and I feel lately as though I am done...Done with emotions. Done with crying. Done with extreme ends of the emotional spectrum. A little sad, I think, but then again, maybe this is how the rest of the world normally is.

I have rethought my relationship with my children. My husband. My thoughts on other people. I have realized that I am not super excited for anyone to get married. I am really not thrilled anymore when others have babies.

I don't like seeing anything romantic on tv shows or movies. It just doesn't seem interesting anymore to see if the girl gets the guy.

I am having a hard time with understanding all of this. But I DO know that God is still there, still loving me, still caring about me. HE will do something in me through all of this; and I desperately want HIM to do something through me to help others in all of this.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Please don't let it get to you...keep smiling,,,,you are one of the best women I know of,,so who ever said it was probably wrong..

Sara Hull said...

Do you think it is just that all that emotion overwhelms us along with the stresses of daily living, so we pull back for a while? I have been feeling much that way lately. I just have had too much emotion of my own, to celebrate or mourn with others as I should. It is a comfort to me to know that God, having created me, understands those limits of mine and is right here with me as I muddle through! Oh how he loves us!!

Elizabeth said...

It's amazing what one sentence or one comments can do. Push through!!

Mom said...

I just came across your Blog and I wanted to say that your honesty is refreshing, but also that (and I am sure you know this, seeing as you are married to a seminary student) God knows exactly what it will take to conform you to the image of Christ. We can do NOTHING on our own and we ARE failures, but he is our strength, and since God can make everything out of nothing he can make a huge success out of huge failures. (I say this as a home schooling mom of 3, married to a grad student, and possibly the biggest failure)

Don't grow weary in doing good. :)

Orthopathos said...

Maybe your being tested to realize the higher calling on your life that we all ask God for and you dont yet see the miraculous work God is doing in you. Like looking at the negative instead of the positive? Keep your eyes on Jesus!