Monday, May 16, 2011

To Remember....

Daddy has Alzheimer's.

He is slipping away, mentally, right before my eyes.

The other day, I was sitting with him while my mom was taken out by a friend for her birthday. When I sit with Daddy, I always ask questions about his past and love to hear the fun stories he tells. This time it was different. He didn't know who I was.

Now, I know that that is the way with Alzheimer's! I get it! But up to this point, he might not have known others, but has always known me.

It was quite a shock that rocked me to my core. I don't know why it was so horrific for me....he goes in and out of knowing my mom (his wife for 51 years) and my brother...but I guess since he had always known me, I allowed myself to live under the delusion that he would always know me.

Not to be the case.

I realize that I have allowed myself this little delusionary fantasy before. For instance, since I have worn glasses since 2nd grade, for some reason I thought that I would never have bi-focals! I know....why would one preclude the other? But you see where my mind lives! :)

Yesterday, at church, he knew me by name again. What a blessing for me! I will treasure those moments from now on in a different way than before.

I love Daddy so very much!


Cmom said...

I am so sorry. I know how hard this is. You are losing a parent even though he sits before you. Just are imprinted on his heart and even those his mind may go...his heart will always recognize you.

Miawa said...

I haven't experienced Alzheimer's in anyone in my family but, my mother is 86 and has as the doctor put it, has "entered senility", there are days when I want to scream (I care for her) from exhaustion and days when I want to scream with fear knowing how much more severe this will become for her. There have been days when she hasn't known me and the fear in her eyes that I, a stranger, would approach her and try to convince her that she knows me and make her feel safe made me feel so bad for her. My heart and prayers are with you as you live through this "but by the Grace of God" we couldn't make it could we?

Sara Hull said...

I wish I could shield your heart from this pain! It is true though, that the pain makes the sweet times even sweeter! Treasure the good times. Write down the stories. Someday we will all be together in paradise and all be whole, but in the mean time, your Heavenly Father always knows your name, and He will continue to be with you through this long journey!

Anonymous said...

Lisa, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I do understand a little though. There are times when I get to frustrated with my own Dad. When he just ignores me when I am in the room, it is so painful. But, there are surprises too. Last time I saw him he asked for Baby C. by name! He was concerned about the children having coats, me getting a new vehicle.... things that I didn't think he thought about anymore. But, I know, my Daddy is still there and the good times give me hope. I love you and your family Lisa!!- Nikki