I have been on a journey the last many years to become a better wife...oh, better for Ben, but really more looking past Ben to see God and trying to be what He wants me to be.
I find that I do well for a couple of days and then just crash...foul up...do something opposite of what I am desiring to do...It occurred to me the other day that this was the cycle of someone doing something impossible in his own strength! I can pull off being the perfect wife (or fill in whatever you choose) for a small while, but then my own sin nature...the fancy way of saying "hey! what about me and my needs? who is taking care of those while I deny myself to serve you?"...so my own sin nature pounces upon me one day and I all the ground I have covered has been lost and I am back to square one.
God has been working on me lately, through many means, to just focus on Him. Leave Ben out of it....look over Ben's shoulder and just stare into the face of God and do what I do for Him, not for Ben. Obey God and His desire for me and my well-being. Love God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength...not Ben, but God. By doing that, I am slowly discovering that Ben is the primary beneficiary of the overflow of my heart! I end up showing him love by showing him respect...it becomes easier and easier as I focus my attention, love, desires upon God and not the people around me...the funny thing is that they all end up feeling more doted upon, more loved, more cared for...crazy huh?